35 Hysterical Things You Never Thought You Would Say As A Parent


Is there ever a time when you are with your kids you find yourself saying things you never thought you would say as a parent and thinking, “gosh, did I just say that?” On reflection as parents we say the funniest things. Most of those things we would have heard from our parents. We are turning into our parents now, which may not be a bad thing, after all we turned ok pretty awesome, didn’t we? I asked some mums about some of the things they never thought they would say as a parent and the replies were very funny!

Nappy time is always a source of fun and they things these mums say are fairly common in most homes with babies in nappies.


Come here please and let me sniff your bum!”  I say this literally every single day.

Stacey –  One Small Human


Please don’t put the blueberries in your nappy” This was today’s favourite after my son found a new place to stash his snacks!

NadineThen I Became Mum


What was his poo like?” I ask this every day, who knew I’d care about sh*t so much when I had a baby

Eileen2 Nerds & A Baby


“Your willy is not a toy!” and  “How did that get in your nappy!”

CatherineThe Little Embryo That Could


Along with nappies, toileting and our kid’s toileting parts are a frequent source of amusement or general ‘Ewwness’


“Ahh, no! Stop playing with your sister’s poo!” The little one is obsessed with the big one’s potty. He’s happiest when splashing in her pee.

JessicaThat mummy blog


Stop putting toys down the toilet

ClareClare’s Little Tots


I was totally thinking ‘I never thought I would be saying this as a parent’ the other day when I said to my son “please don’t play with your willy in here, do it in the bedroom!” And a few days before on a completely different note I told him “you can’t ask old people why they aren’t dead yet it isn’t really appropriate!

JenJust Average Jen


Oh gosh far too many too choose from, but I will pick One from my insta-stories the other day “please don’t put your fidget spinner up your bum“.

Becky3 Princesses and 1 Dude!


Please don’t wee in the garden when you are right next to the toilet!

GemmaSomewhere After The Rainbow


“Boys stop farting in each other’s faces, it is dirty!”

ZoeWith Love Zoe


Please put your willy away until you actually get to the toilets.”  Whilst he was walking through the changing rooms of a splash park on holiday! And a week later. “We do not show our willies and bums to everyone.”  After he started mooning my poor sister and nephew!



“Stop playing with your bits. They aren’t toys!”

JoMummy Needs Wine

Haha, mine would be “don’t drink out of your brother’s potty

Cheryl Mummy of 5 Miracles


“Let’s not play, see how far you can pull your Willy”

KayleighLittle B and Me


Boys especially, like toilet humour and farting seems to be on the top agenda along with pulling their penises? What is it with that dangly thing they find so amusing? Then of course they love to get naked!


“You can’t dance in the window naked!”



“Why are you naked and climbing in the fridge?” My son is not the most hygienic of children

CarlyMummy and the chunks


Ok well, we can probably all relate to the nakedness thing, it’s quite freeing. Although I don’t know about you I am not quite ready to visit a nudist colony…yet.

One thing I just can’t get my head around is the licking and eating of random stuff? And putting things in their mouth, ear, nose *insert random body part*…


“Stop licking the washing machine!” He was copying the dog, I was talking to both of them, and I still don’t know why.

LisaBare Mother


“Don’t put playdoh up your nose!”

LianneAnkle Biters Adventura


“Please don’t lick the dog”

AmyMama Mighalls


“Please take your toe of your nose.” Followed shortly by “and don’t put it in your ear either”

ArabellaExeter Baby Activites


“Stop snogging the dog! He ate a poop from the potty earlier!” *insert huge gagging episode here*

HazelThe Newhouse Family


“Please don’t eat the cat litter!” Out of all three of my children my youngest has to eat EVERYTHING!

SarahMummy Cat


*Gag* my kids LOVED to investigate things as babies and toddlers. Once one of my kids ate a wasp! Just munched it along with his ice cream like it was a sprinkle! The youngest was always partial to spiders or flies, it really was race to see if I could get to it before her!  Then there was the ‘bird poop’ phase. We would have to sweep the patio before letting her out. Luckily nowadays, she will just have a god ole rummage with her finger, before announcing ‘Yuck’ and showing me her finger.  Word of warning though, probably best avoiding sniffing fingers to figure out what it is. The result is 5 minutes of heaving.


Karina from  Mum’s The Nerd’s daughter is on the right track and not nearly quiet as gag worthy.


We have the daily fun of playing, what has she got in her hands/bag/pockets this time, “Little Legs, please stop stroking the slug and put it down” (she’s 6 and quite the Dr. Doolittle)


Clare at This mummy’s always right  has made us chuckle! Kids will be kids dogs.


“Just because the dog eats his food like that, doesn’t mean you have to do it too. Now pick your plate up off the floor!”


On the subject of animals.


“why is there an elephant in the cat food?”  was yesterday’s gem

SarahLet Them Be Small


Too funny!  Then moving on to food. Emma at – Wanderlust and Wet Wipes  gives us an insight into the irony that is a good old threat!


If you don’t eat your pizza / chicken nuggets / other type of junk food then you can’t have any ice cream.”


We are not judging you mama, we have all been there. Nuggets, pizza and hotdogs are a frequent food for my 6 and 7-year-old, I have to shamefully admit. I would love to be all organic and home-cooked but, I have 5 kids and work, so it’s make what they will eat in this house.

We are still at the phase with our youngest (even at 2) where food goes mainly on her than her mouth, so I felt a twang of empathy here:


Stop dipping fish fingers in your milk and rubbing your food in your hair!” My littlest is obsessed with dipping his food into his cup of drink and eating it! He also has a terrible habit of wiping his food covered hands all over his hair.

VictoriaLylia Rose


Yes, we feel your pain, Victoria! Now these few I have left to the end as these gave me the most giggles! They sum up, for me, the essence of the strangest things we say to our kids along with a few we have said too.


“Taking a video of your brothers bum on mummy’s phone is NOT funny!”

Hannah A New Addition


Sorry Hannah, it really is! I just hope your camera roll doesn’t automatically upload to flickr!

Do your kids ever tantrum over something they have done and make you feel like its ALL YOUR FAULT?   Alana from  Baby Holiday  clearly does!


“It’s not my fault there’s sausage in your yogurt”. That was today’s offering.


Moving onto things we all say at least a gazillion times!


I didn’t expect to have to say, “please put your shoes/coat/socks/clothes on” the sheer volume of times I have to in order for my daughter to actually do these tasks!

GeorginaGee Gardner





“You are NOT going out dressed like that!”

Lisa  – That British Betty


Now, if I was going to give out awards (don’t get excited I am not) these last 2 would win hands down!


My sis in law and her friend visited the farm with us and both had to shout out “Don’t tip that sheep over!” I said to her “I bet you never through you’d say that before you became a parent”

NB: no sheep were harmed. They were life size sheep statues.

CassieGorgeous Georges Mama


My son has just started reading the Harry Potter books. I have repeated said “no killing curses” to him while he aims his wooden wand at his little sister.

SarahChampagne and Petals


If you have a said something to your child that you never thought you would say as a parent then drop it in the comments below. I wonder if you can beat ‘no killing curses’? that one has to be undoubtedly, the strangest.

Pinnable image of a woman holding her child in her arms with her head tipped back laughing.


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3 Replies to “35 Hysterical Things You Never Thought You Would Say As A Parent”

  1. All of these are great. I know some of the bloggers listed above and read their blogs regularly. It was good to read their thoughts on parenting.

    1. Editor says:

      All great bloggers and made us LOL while writing the blog 🙂

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